A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
