why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
