ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
