THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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