You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
