So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
