She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
