Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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