By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
