he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
