Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
