I want you more than these girls want KFC
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
