you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
