Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
