You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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