just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
