Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
