Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
