Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
