this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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