I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
