I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
