This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
