yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
