I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
