My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
