dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
