She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
