he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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