A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
