All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
