dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
