Pappa wants mamma naked
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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