I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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