i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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