I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My balls are so social today.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize