dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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