Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
