.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
