She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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