i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
