i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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