please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
