Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
