no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
