I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
