i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
