I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
