The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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