just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
