Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
