I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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