his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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