Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
