if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
