she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
