At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
