I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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