How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
