thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
