Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
