they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
only if we run a train.
done.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
