It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
