and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
