all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
