I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
