literally had 100 drinks last night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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