Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
