they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We had to coat check the pizza.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
