i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
