I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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