I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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