4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
