can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
