so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
