you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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