I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
