your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im drinking this country out of the recession.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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