He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
