One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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