I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
